Why men fear commitment & losing their freedom & how to end the dysfunctional cycle of breaking up & making up. Since 97% of all men do not understand women, there are many men who will settle for women who are not what they really want because they either feel they can’t get the kind of woman they really want, or they simply don’t know how to attract the kind of woman they really want and are unwilling to learn. When I was younger and before I learned everything I now teach for a living, I used to believe that I was the one who was messed up and all women were normal. Once I started to actually go out on a lot of dates with the kind of women I really wanted and became successful at seducing them, I realized that most women are just as messed up as most guys are. However, women are much better at hiding it and simply have a much better understanding of the dating game than men do. I had a friend of mine who came from a very successful family. He was very successful also. When we were in our early 20s, he had a girl that he used to call for sex when he came home drunk at three or four in the morning after striking out with other women. He used to talk so bad about this girl and how he cared nothing for her, except that he loved that he could call her all hours of the day and night and she would happily come over and fuck his brains out. He didn’t love her, but yet he still married her and they have several children together! The following is an e-mail from a woman who does not understand her boyfriend. He constantly breaks up with her because he does not like the label of being in a relationship, or so he says. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of her e-mail:
It seems you know what you are taking about. I would like to hear more of a view from a women’s side, if possible. I came to your website because I am having a hard time understanding my boyfriend. We have been together off and on for three years and he commits one day and then time passes – a week, month, and he breaks up with me and doesn’t like the “label.” It is very hard and frustrating for me and I don’t know what to do, but it is wearing me down emotionally. He talks to other women and this last time since we “weren’t together” he decided to see an ex-girlfriend, but then came running back to me after he noticed that all the things she did wasn’t what he wanted. (A man always wrestles internally with the desire to be free to pursue his purpose in life, and his desire to be one with his woman. If the woman does not give him space and makes him feel suffocated, he most often will choose his freedom over having a relationship. It’s a delicate balance. Women naturally want to nest and create a home together the more they fall in love. The key to keeping a man interested and committed is to make sure he feels he has the freedom to be who he really is. If you constantly are trying to force a man into a commitment or put a label on what you are in order to make yourself feel comfortable and secure, that is love based upon need and not real love.) He made the comment many times “Robin wouldn’t do that, say that, act like that.” He was comparing me to her and realizing she wasn’t what he wanted. But then a week goes by and he tells me he doesn’t want the “label” again – but still calls me constantly, tells me he loves me constantly, and says he needs me. It is very confusing to say the least. (You need to objectively look at how you are behaving with him. Are you loving him, or are you needing him? Neediness communicates that you do not feel you are worthy to be with the other person and therefore instead of loving them, you seek to posses them in order to make yourself feel secure, whole and complete. You never want to use guilt and shame to make a man commit to you in order to keep you happy, when it’s not something he’s ready to do. From the actions you have shared with me, it sounds like he’s making commitments when he really does not want to in order to make you happy, but then he backs out a few days, weeks or months later when he feels like he is losing his freedom or his identity. You should also objectively look at his feelings towards you. Does he make you feel loved? Is he really into you? Some guys are just weak and date women who are easy to them because they don’t know how or are too uncomfortable to get the type of woman they really want. You should see yourself as a woman who has options and start dating other men when you are not together. Don’t be so willing to take him back when he says he needs you and wants you back. Say, “I want a man who loves me and makes me feel loved through his actions, not a man who says he needs me and then dumps me as soon as he gets what he wants or feels the grass is greener on the other side. That is not real love.” Forget the labels for now. Date him and have fun with him while you date other men. He’s dating other women and maybe it’s time you get some better options for yourself so you can have choices. Spend your time with men who act balanced and mature, I know they are rare, but you deserve a good man. I would also suggest you read my book because it will help you discover any bad behaviors you are exhibiting unknowingly on your part that is turning him off, and help you to understand why you respond to him the way you do and why you continue to put up with his crap. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“To subdue the enemy with no fight at all, that’s the highest skill.” ~ Sun Tzu