I’m Stuck In A Rut

How to get unstuck and out of a rut if you feel like your life is going nowhere, you have nobody to love you, it feels like your life is over, hopeless and like you will never be able to accomplish your goals and dreams.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with his ex two years ago and when he tried to get her back recently, he made the stupid mistake of drunk texting her and trying to make her jealous by lying and saying that he and his friends had several prostitutes over. Obviously, that went over like a lead balloon, and she cancelled her plans to come see him saying that she had a new boyfriend, was very happy and started posting all kinds of fun pictures of her and her new boyfriend having a great time together.

When he broke up with his ex two years ago, he started trying to build a non-profit charity that he says has been a horrible failure since he started. He’s thirty-nine and feels like his life is going nowhere. He’s in an extremely un-resourceful state of mind, and he says he can’t see anything good ever happening again in his life.

Hi Corey,

I have to condense this all, but man today was an awful day. However, I just watched your video and laughed a real laugh for the first time in a long time. The last few weeks, or years, have been where every fucking thing I do turns against me. I know, boo-hoo, but I have that vibe where everything I do, say, think, and act, is a failure, and I can’t “positively think” it away. (You have to see things as they are, not better than they are or worse than they are. Positive thinking is bullshit. You have to take action.) The worst is, I believe I AM a guy for whom great things can happen, or I can make my way, but I’m badly defeated and can’t seem to turn it around anymore.

About two years ago, I stopped seeing my ex and she agreed 100%, no question. Then, in the past two years, I’ve gone through hell building a non-profit charity that has been a borderline-horrible failure since one month in — so two years of embarrassing fucking hell. (Obviously, what you’re doing and how you’re going about it has not worked. If you want to build a successful charity, then you need to go talk to people who have built, and who are currently running, successful charities. Maybe you should even go work for a charity to see how it’s run from the inside out, and model the success of that charity.) And I’m no spring chicken at the age of 39. With my birthday on March 1st, and after trying to get my ex back and her saying no, I realized, shit, I didn’t think this through. I’m old, financially ruined, and have lots of other character, family, and business flaws. I’m fucked. (It’s just perspective. You’re fucked until you figure it out.) And the girl I had, and wanted badly, would have been a great woman to be with forever. (Because you’re broke and you don’t feel like you’re succeeding, you haven’t really had the guts to go out and meet someone new. Right now you’re focused on figuring it out.) As I was getting on more solid ground four months ago, she said she’d drive to Arizona, where I was staying, to meet up with me. (You wanted to go back and heat up leftovers because it was easy.) A week before, I got drunk and texted her that some buddies and I had some prostitutes over, and it was difficult to concentrate while texting back and forth with her. My drunken mindset was to make her jealous. Of course, there were no prostitutes, but there was a dumb fucking idiot — me. As the time drew closer to when I knew she would at least see me, she texted me that she had a boyfriend, and I am to leave her alone. She is not kidding. She is gone. She’s got pictures of her and her boyfriend making out and riding in horse drawn carriages, and pictures of her and her new life. It’s dead and over for me. (Good. She did you a favor. Now you can’t go back to what you really didn’t want two years ago.)

So here I sit like a fucking loser in so many dimensions, and I’m supposed to think positive? NO. What happened to me? (You became impatient and started looking for instant gratification. You need to focus on getting your first investor for your charity.) This is not good. I’m in a fucking rut, and I can’t see anything good happening ever again. (As Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.”) I’ll be 90 and still reading these “how to pick up chicks using these one liners” books. (You need to get busy taking action. When you put your head down and get really busy taking action, that brings you into the present moment, and you begin to accomplish things. Create a clear and concise vision of how your charity will change lives, believe that vision, and sell that vision to other people.)

Bob

“The best thing you can do when you feel like you are stuck in a rut, you’re not making any progress towards accomplishing your dreams and goals, and life feels hopeless and like it will never get any better, is to put your head down and start taking action towards what you want. Why? When you are not taking any action and are standing still, this will cause you to experience fear and doubt. When you start taking action, you’ll bring yourself back into the present moment, which is the only moment that exists, and this will cause you to feel confident and have the courage to continue moving forward. Most big goals and dreams often take a decade or more to accomplish and are the result of breaking big goals and tasks, down into small daily activities and small goals that can be completed before the end of each day. When you become focused on instant gratification and become impatient, you make it impossible to focus on what you need to do right now and how you need to continue to refine, adapt and modify your approach in order to eventually achieve your goals and dreams slowly over time. Everything worth having in life, and that which you most highly value, will always take more time, effort and money than you think it will.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne