Does your wife or girlfriend have a lot of male friends that sometimes makes you jealous? Do you worry that something may happen between her and one of her male friends? It’s a normal reaction to contemplate the possibility that your girl may leave you for another guy when she has lots of male friends.
When I was still learning to understand women I was often very unsure of where I stood with women I was dating. However, the more confident I became due to my having growing successes meeting, dating, attracting and having relationships with the type of women I had always wanted, the less I worried about losing them to other guys.
My attitude towards women and my ability to keep them interested and only wanting to see and date me has completely changed the way I look at things. When I find a woman who is attractive and I want, but she does not feel the same way, I think to myself… Wow, she really blew it. I guarantee in her life she will never meet a guy that can hold a candle to me. I don’t see that I have any competition. If a woman rejects me, it’s her loss and I really feel that way. I see myself as the prize. You should too.
The most important thing for a man who is in a relationship is to always date and court his wife or girlfriend. Guys that don’t will eventually lose her to another man. Guys I coach who are struggling in their relationships, always make the mistake and assume since they are married or they are exclusive and maybe live together, that she will always be his. They become lazy and complacent and when their woman grows tired of being ignored and his lack of effort to properly court her, she loses interest and starts contemplating or looking for his replacement.
Women who are confident and loyal will give their man the benefit of the doubt, assume he’s just going through a phase and communicate to him what she really wants in a logical way that he can understand. Insecure women who fear that it is not going to work out will start calling their male friends to line up a replacement. That’s why it’s important to know the interest level table that starts on page 120 of my book “How To Be A 3% Man” inside and out. That way you can pay attention to her actions to make sure when you’re dating someone that they’re absolutely 100% committed to you. This is important because it will enable you to recognize women with low integrity and end things before you get too heavily emotionally involved.
If you are doing everything right as I discuss in my book, but your woman is insecure and/or has low integrity, there is nothing you can do to keep her from cheating on you. So the most important thing to understand is that you must make sure you only become exclusive with women who have a high level of integrity. The second most important thing to understand is that you have to continually date and court your wife or girlfriend. You always must see yourself as her best option, but if she does something to screw it up by being unfaithful, it’s her loss. It just means you’re going to meet a hotter and more emotionally mature woman that is better suited to you. In other words, things are going to be great with your girl, or you’re just going to find somebody better. That’s a win-win situation to me.
When you communicate to your woman that you are jealous of her male friends, it also communicates that you do not feel worthy of her love and attention. When a woman senses weakness in her man she will test him to see what his true strength is emotionally. Guys that are needy and insecure will become angry and try to force things. This causes her level of comfort to plummet along with her interest level, and exactly what he fears most (losing her) is exactly what will happen.
If you have a good woman and you treat her right, she will treat you right. If you’ve got a bad one and treat her right, there is a good chance she will fuck you over anyways and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it other than finding someone better.
Here is an e-mail I got recently from a guy who purchased my book. My comments are (in bold brackets) in the body of his e-mail:
Thanks for all of the helpful articles that I receive via email. I purchased your book a few years back and read it and learned a lot from it (you must read it 10-12 times to the point you know it so well you could give a seminar on it. There are hundreds of essential tips, techniques and strategies you need to know to always do the right thing with women. Why risk losing a great girl just because you did not take the time to get to know the material?). As for my situation, here goes:
I have been seeing a woman from another country for a little over a year now and yes–we graduated from dating to a committed relationship after about 6 months. Oh, I also wanted to mention that she has been in the States for about 20 years now (in her early 40′s as am I) and she is very Americanized as well as having excellent English. As for the relationship, it’s going pretty well, but one thing which I have been trying to get past is her school thing; she has gone back to school to finish her education, which I totally support, but what kind of bugs me is the field with which she is studying is dominated primarily by men and her recent project with which she is working on is shared with this younger guy (probably half her age). Now, the thing that bugs me is that they email as well as Skype each other and even though I would never let on that this bothers me, partly because I do trust her (but I don’t trust other men–especially players 1/2 her age!) & I don’t want to appear insecure, but it does bug me (if you are doing everything right, but she has low integrity, there is nothing you can do to keep her from cheating). And yes, I did read & re-read your book, but I was just wondering if you can offer me any additional advice or if I am handling it correctly by being supportive & maintaining a strong outward stance even though it does bother me internally (if she has high integrity and you are doing everything right, then you need to find a way to deal with your feelings of insecurity or they will destroy her high level of interest in you and she will leave you).
Also, I think that working with, as well as having male friends is quite normal for her culture (women who are loyal and mature will be able to sniff out a guy who is only trying to be her friend to get in her pants. She will rebuff advances from other men. As long as you make her feel comfortable and are non-judgmental when she tells you about other guys hitting on her, she will continue to do this because it shows her love for you and that she wants you to know she is loyal to you. If she has always told you about other men who hit on her and then she stops… that would be a bad sign of either a lowered interest level or she has stopped sharing that info because you have become jealous and judgmental; she would stop sharing that information if you make her feel uncomfortable or get pissed at her every time she shares it with you. If you hassle her about it, she will stop telling you because she does not want to deal with an insecure boyfriend when all she was doing was being honest and letting you know she was loyal.); and this is just been one of a few cultural differences with which I have shared with this woman, but this having other guy friends is kind of a big hurdle for me to get over (Every woman I have ever dated has always had male friends-get used to it or stay single).
Thanks for your time!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Nothing can sabotage winning, except for fear of losing.”-Cortes