How To Communicate With Women Effectively

Would you like to learn how to communicate effectively with your wife, girlfriend or any woman in your life? The most common mistakes most guys make in relationships is 1) trying to solve her problem when all she really wants is for you to listen 2) trying to use logic and reason to win an argument with a woman instead of learning and understanding that the more you try to win an argument with a woman, the more distant and emotionally upset she will become; as she wants you to LISTEN to and acknowledge what she is upset about in the first place or 3) digging and probing to find out how what you did… or… did not do, hurt her emotionally no matter how many times she says “everything is fine… I don’t want to talk about it”; a smart man who understands women knows her resistance is her test to see if he really cares enough to keep digging and persisting until she throws in the towel and shares what’s in her heart. His persistence, and recognition that she really is upset communicates his love and devotion to her.

When you take the time in your relationship to create an environment where your lady is free and encouraged to share her feelings, thoughts and emotions with you, she will open up to you fully and completely and submit to you because she feels safe and comfortable enough letting you take the lead in the relationship. Your ability to maintain your girls high level of comfort with you will be essential to your overall happiness and well being. Nothing can be more challenging to a man than having to deal with a woman who becomes more and more resentful, angry, hurt and pissed off over time because he does not understand how to communicate with and understand her effectively.

One of my clients who is a very successful career professional, is dating the love of his life. He does more things right than wrong… and… he has yours truly, coaching him via skype on a monthly basis :) He’s got good momentum and now he is deep into the relationship phase (3 phases of relationships: 1) pickup 2) dating 3) relationship) where mastery of communication and relationship skills is essential to keeping your woman in love with you. A happy woman makes for a happy and satisfied man who can focus his energy on his purpose/business/career/etc. with her standing behind him 100% cheering him on like a cheerleader cheers on her boyfriend on the football field.

He is smartly asking and aware he needs to improve his communication skills to get his girlfriend to open more fully to him. Here’s his email:

Hey Corey,

Hope your day is flowing well.

I was wondering, have you written an article about listening to your woman and not trying to solve her problems? I know you talk about this in your book, but I have been pondering it more lately as my gf is struggling with some issues at work and I want to make her feel better. In your book you discuss what to do when you may have done something to upset your girl and how to break down barriers to get to the root of the problem.

Generally, I want to get better at communicating with her so she can feel like she can tell me anything and feel better afterwards.

Appreciate any advice. I’m reading all your articles and I appreciate it.

Peace and thanks.

Tom

The key to getting a woman to open up to you is knowing how to ask the right questions, and acknowledge you understand her feminine heart and where she is coming from. Women solve their problems and work through them by talking about them. That’s one reason why a group of women can be talking about 15 different subjects at the same time. Most men would be scratching their heads trying to keep up.

If you ask quality questions in your relationships, you will get quality answers. Your relationships will improve as you apply what you learned from the answers you get. A great technique I talked about in an earlier article is here in my post titled “Rate Me Baby“.

In order to get your woman to open up you can simply ask… “how was your day honey?” and let her emote. Say things like… “Really?… Wow!… Tell me more… Don’t leave anything out… etc.” Every few minutes as she is talking, repeat some of what she just shared with you back to her. If she’s talking about a co-worker and she is upset, don’t try to solve her problem. Women resolve things by talking and sharing their emotions and feelings. Men tend to retreat to their man-cave to contemplate solutions in private. Guys that don’t understand women will try to give her a solution instead of listening to her as she shares her day. Eventually she gets frustrated and says “you’re not listening!” He feels like a failure.

So as she shares her day with you and you every so often repeat some of what she shared with you back to her, you say… “so when Jennifer said blah, blah, blah, etc. you got really hurt, mad, upset, excited, etc.?” She’ll say… “exactly!” and keep right on rolling.

Once she has emoted enough, she will say one of the following… she may sigh with relief and say… “I’m so glad we talked… you’re such a great listener… I feel so much better now… etc…” then once you hear one of those type of statements, you know you have helped her resolve and get out the emotions and feelings. Now she will open even more fully to you and see you as the love of her life.

Its an art, not an exact science. It takes practice. The key is to keep her talking and asking her questions as I suggested above, and in the video. The more comfortable you make your woman feel about communicating and sharing with you, the more you will become the center of her universe, and her emotional rock and mountain. Good job for asking Tom.

If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com

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From my heart to yours,


Corey Wayne
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur

“Chance favors only those minds which are prepared.” – Louis Pasteur

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Comments

  1. Lilah says

    Hi Corey,

    I liked your video on how to communicated effectively with women. I’ve been looking for information on how me and my boyfriend can communicate effectively. I’ll give you an example of a somewhat unsuccessful conversation we had recently. We have been together for about five years and I wanted to check in with him and see how he felt about the future and where the relationship is going.

    Since I know communication is difficult for us, I tried to be very patient and clear. I asked if he wanted kids and he gave me a bunch of vague responses. Eventually he said, I’ve just never really been sure if I wanted kids at all. Finally I felt like I’d gotten to the bottom of it. I had gotten a real answer. It’s a rare feeling for me. I wanted to see where he was on marriage, and on other future things. But after our short conversation, he shut down. He went out for a cigarette.

    I gave him some space and brought it up again awhile later when we were reading in bed. I said I’d like to talk some more. He said ok, what do you want to talk about? But he was shut down still – I could tell. He would put his magazine down from time to time, and try to really focus, but he seemed confused. And I couldn’t stop talking! I thought maybe if I said the right thing I could draw him back into the conversation. But instead he said things like, I don’t know why you’re worried, and I thought things were going well. And I’d say, I’m not worried, and things are going well! I said, I think it’s important to check in, and talk. I said, people can change throughout the course of a relationship. And also, I genuinely wasn’t sure where he stood on several things. We were going in circles. I was just talking and talking. It was awful. I knew I should stop, but I really wanted to hear from him. And I couldn’t get him to contribute.

    But it didn’t matter. In the end, he seemed annoyed and I felt like he didn’t care. And I’m not trying to annoy him. I really want to know where he stands on things. I don’t want there to be surprises. I want to make him happy but it’s hard to when I never feel like I know what he’s thinking. I don’t try to have these conversations all the time. I try to make them VERY rare. I try to make the conversation positive, but to him it’s the Spanish Inquisition. He feels blamed or like it’s negative. And really I just want to know if he’s thought about the future, if he cares about me… Well here I am, blah blah blah.

    What can I do? How can we communicate? I am at my wit’s end. I feel like I’m doing all the work. And I never have that, ahh thank you for listening moment that you talked about in the video. It’s not that he’s not listening… He seems to care. Help!

    Lilah

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